In Rotaword September 14th 2006

We are all heading off to Trunkey Creek tonight (Wednesday) for our joint meeting with Blayney Rotary Club. ‘Last minute Larrys’ will need to contact Graham Parker – 63361076 for details! We are looking forward to an enjoyable debate!

Last week we had an enjoyable time when the DG visited.

Maria Bargwanna explained her literacy project based on creating a recipe book. Please send any recipes you have to Graham and Christine Parker. There are more details on the blog at https://oberonrotary.wordpress.com/2006/09/01/literacy-project-district-9700-recipe-book/. The distribution of the dictionaries to school children will happen next March during Literacy month.

Malcolm thanked everyone who attended the joint meeting with the Arts Council.

Geoff Bargwanna outlined his plans for the year.

A couple of jokes to keep you amused until next week!

Life in the Australian Army

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm – tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all yagotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack – nothin’!! Ya haz gotta shave though, but its not so bad, coz there’s lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!
At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there’s no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don’t get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we’ve been on a ‘route march’ – geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!
This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin’ – dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody possum’s bum and it don’t move and it’s not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target – it’s a piece of piss!! You don’t even load your own cartridges they comes in little boxes and ya don’t have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!
Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy – it’s not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster. Turns out I’m not a bad boxer either and it looks like I’m the best the platoon’s got, and I’ve only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers – he’s 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I’m only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin wet,but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.
I can’t complain about the Army – tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.

Your loving daughter,

Sheila

Stylish Insults

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
  — Winston Churchill

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.”
  — Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
  — Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
  — William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”
  — Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”
  — Moses Hadas

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”
  — Abraham Lincoln

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
  — Groucho Marx

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
  — Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
  — Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.”
  — George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.”
  — Winston Churchill, in response

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”
  — Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
  — John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
  — Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.”
  — Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
  — Paul Keating

“He had delusions of adequacy.”
  — Walter Kerr

“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.”
  — Jack E. Leonard

“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.”
  — Robert Redford

“They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.”
  — Thomas Brackett Reed

“He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.”
  — James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”
  — Charles, Count Talleyrand

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”
  — Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
  — Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
  — Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
  — Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.”
  — Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
  — Billy Wilder

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